This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
