I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
