Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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