I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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