I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
