Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
