I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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