I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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