Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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