Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
