Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
