Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
