Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
