after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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