I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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