You really coming over, don't trick.
I faked an abortion last night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
