her vagine was all disorganized.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
