i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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