I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
