Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
