Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
