I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
