You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
