just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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