Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i've created a new STD.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
