I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
