i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
