He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
