gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
