oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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