a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
