stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So squirting runs in the family.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
