He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
