Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
