i don't like sucking hair
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
