We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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