yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
