Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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