U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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