mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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