i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
