Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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