Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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