i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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