Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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