You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
