my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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