is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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