she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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