Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
