Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
