fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
